YourCrew Tips - User
How to talk to adults
1. Choose an adult you trust
e.g. parent, aunts/uncles, teachers, school counsellors, doctors etc.
Remember: if they are concerned for you, or someone else's welfare, they may need to reach out to a professional to guide them, and you.
2. Think about what you want from them - and tell them
e.g. Please I need to get this off my chest but I ask that you just listen and don't give me advice
Can you please give me some advice
Can you please support me with ..
Can you please help me solve [a problem]
Please help me get to [professional help or another help source e.g. teacher]
Remember: if they are concerned for you, or someone else's welfare, they may need to reach out to a professional to guide them, and you.
3. Think about how you feel about telling this person and use that feeling in your words
e.g. I'm afraid you may be mad at me ..
I feel ashamed about this ..
This is really embarrassing but ..
4. Practice - think about what you want to say, you can write it down, and say it out loud
5. Choose a time when they are not too busy or too distracted
e.g. talking in the car can be a good time
Note: It could be a good idea to set up a time with them beforehand, especially if they are a teacher or school counsellor.
6. Don't like face-to-face .. You can use YourCrew to text, share your safety plan, share a page in your journal, use the 'don't have the words' function (found in the emergency button) and even call a member of your Crew
Other:
https://au.reachout.com/articles/5-steps-to-talking-to-someone-you-trust
YourCrew Tips - Crew
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How to talk to people you are helping
A note for Crew:
Crewing for someone is not meant to be hard or challenging.
We DO NOT ask you to provide professional help. We have plenty of amazing professional help links to people who are experts in their field. Use them if you feel uncomfortable or think they are required.
WE DO ask you to listen and acknowledge how your person is feeling about their issue, and help them get professional help if it is needed.
If you are under 18 and you feel uncomfortable, this is when you reach out to your own Crew or KHL to get some advice on what to do. You can also see our Pathways to Help - Crew to step you through.
The Oath:
Crew take the oath below to support their people:
No problem is too big or too small
You will get help from me
You will not get in trouble from me
Our conversation is confidential (unless I think you are at risk or maybe a risk to others, or the problem is too big for us to handle)
The oath is an important part of being Crew but it is not meant to be overwhelming. Sometimes it can be hard to know what to do to support someone. You may feel stressed or scared you'll say the wrong thing.
See Professional and Urgent Help for a list of services with live phone numbers and links
How to talk to people you are helping
1. Listen. It is incredible how having someone actively listen to you and accept how you feel about something helps someone solve their own problems or recognise, sometimes with your help, the need to speak to parents, a doctor or other professional service.
2. Validate their feelings. You don't have to agree but try and put yourself in their shoes and understand how they feel. Let them speak without interruption. Reflect back what they have said to you without giving your judgement. e.g.:
"That sounds like a terrible thing you have been through..."
"I understand why that would make you feel this way."
3. Encourage Action - listen to their potential solutions and, if appropriate, encourage them to take action.
4. Communicate your support - let them know you are here to support and help them.
"I can help you get the help you need, let's go and talk to ..."
"Do you want me to help you talk to your parents?"
"I'm here for you to talk to whenever you need."
** If this a really difficult topic for you, say:
"This is bigger than both of us. I would like to ask an adult for help" or
"This is bigger than both of us, I think we need to make an appointment with [GP, psychologist, school counsellor or other professional]"
You can also call KHL, or 000 if an emergency, and ask their advice
5. Give praise.
"That was really brave of you to tell me about ..."
"I'm so honoured you have chosen me to talk about .."
6. Show trust. Show them you trust how they feel and involve them in coming up with their own solutions. e.g
"I can understand why you feel bad about that. How could you handle that conversation differently next time?"
7. Control your emotions. If what they tell you is difficult to hear, take a deep breath and let them finish. Try not to judge or show disapproval or shock. If you need help refer to 7 below.
8. Professional Help. If you feel uncomfortable with the topic or it is something you feel needs professional help. Tell them
"This is bigger than both of us, I think we need to make an appointment with [GP, psychologist, school counsellor or other professional]"
"I don't know much about this, but I want to help you. Let's go together to speak with [your parents, other family member, school counsellor, teacher]"
Help them get to the help they need.
9. Look after yourself. Sometimes it can be hard to support someone. It can also trigger some feelings in you that you find hard to cope with. Make sure you have a good support network around you - set up your own Crew - and talk to them if you need support.
