Crewing for someone should not feel burdensome or overwhelming, and you are not expected to be the solution to all their problems. Your role is to offer support and help them connect with the assistance they need as soon as possible. Here are some helpful tips to guide you as you Crew for someone.
Links and phone numbers throughout this site are live.
What's on this page - quick links:
Crewing for Someone
Sometimes, it can be hard to know how to support someone. You may feel stressed or scared that you'll say the wrong thing.
Remember, your main role as Crew, a supportive friend or family member, is to listen, acknowledge, and communicate support. It is not up to you to solve someone's problems, 'fix' everything, or give professional advice.
However, you can listen, support and help them take action if needed. That can mean actively helping with practical problems, calling a professional service such as Kids Helpline, or, in an emergency, calling 000. These services can also guide you on what to do.
If you are under 18 years old, you can also ask an adult or your Crew to help you support someone.
The Oath:
When signing up to crew for someone, Crew take the oath below to support their people:
No problem is too big or too small
You will get help from me
You will not get in trouble from me
Our conversation is confidential (unless I think you are at risk or may be a risk to others)
The oath is an important part of being Crew, but it is not meant to be overwhelming.
YourCrew resources to help:
See How to Ask If Your Friend Is OK video
How to Talk to People You Are Helping
See Professional and Urgent Help for a list of services with live phone numbers and links
See Pathways to Help
Here are some Quick tips on how to support people you Crew for:
Talk for long enough to fully understand the problem.
Don’t trivialise (suggest it is unimportant) or judge
LISTEN to them; VALIDATE their concerns and COMMUNICATE your support.
Encourage them to suggest possible solutions
Speak positively about their ability to carry out the best/favoured solution
Seek commitment for them to carry out the solution + report back
Follow-up until satisfied with the resolution
If you feel uncomfortable:
Tell them you are concerned about them and want to get further support. You could say:
"This is too big for the both of us and we need help, I'd like to call someone who can help us."
How to talk to people you are helping - more detail
1. Listen. It is incredible how having someone actively listen to you and accept how you feel about something helps someone solve their own problems or recognise, sometimes with your help, the need to speak to parents, a doctor or other professional service.
2. Validate their feelings. You don't have to agree but try and put yourself in their shoes and understand how they feel. Let them speak without interruption. Reflect back on what they have said to you without giving your judgement. e.g.:
"That sounds like a terrible thing you have been through..."
"I understand why that would make you feel this way."
3. Communicate your support - let them know you are here to support and help them.
"I can help you get the help you need, let's go and talk to ..."
"Do you want me to help you talk to your parents?"
"I'm here for you to talk to whenever you need."
If this a really difficult topic for you, say:
"This is bigger than both of us. I would like to ask an adult for help," or
"This is bigger than both of us; I think we need to make an appointment with [GP, psychologist, school counsellor or other professional]"
You can also call KHL or 000 if there is an emergency and ask their advice
4. Give praise.
"That was really brave of you to tell me about ..."
"I'm so honoured you have chosen me to talk about .."
5. Show trust. Show them you trust how they feel and involve them in coming up with their own solutions. e.g.
"I can understand why you feel bad about that. How could you handle that conversation differently next time?"
6. Control your emotions. If what they tell you is difficult to hear, take a deep breath and let them finish. Try not to judge or show disapproval or shock. If you need help refer to 7 below.
7. Professional Help. If you feel uncomfortable with the topic or it is something you feel needs professional help. Tell them
"This is bigger than both of us, I think we need to make an appointment with [GP, psychologist, school counsellor or other professional]"
Help them get to the help they need.
8. Look after yourself. Sometimes it can be hard to support someone. It can also trigger some feelings in you that you find hard to cope with. Make sure you have a good support network around you - set up your own Crew - and talk to them if you need support.
Other Conversation Resources:
Seize the Awkward: Starting the Conversation
Crew might need to set some boundaries
If you are crewing for someone who makes you feel uncomfortable, overwhelmed, stressed or repeatedly contacts you day and night, then it is time to set some boundaries.
If you can't sort it out so that they respect your boundaries, tell them gently:
"I have some problems myself, and I don't think I am the right person to Crew for you. But I would like to help you get some help because you are a good person, and you deserve to be helped. I'd like to go with you to talk to an adult, or you can call Kids Helpline"
You are doing the right thing, you have listened to them, and you understand how they are feeling. But you don't feel that you can help them and so you are taking them to the help they need. You can feel good about what you have done to help them.
Leaving Crew
We understand that people may feel like they are letting someone down, but it's essential to prioritise your own wellbeing first. If you aren’t taking care of yourself, it will be difficult to support someone effectively. If Crewing for someone becomes too challenging for any reason, leaving their Crew is straightforward.
It’s important to explain why you are leaving in a polite and respectful way. To help with this, YourCrew provides editable templates for stepping down from someone's Crew. You can customise these templates or write your own message from scratch. If you see them in person, a gesture like a hug (or something similar) and saying something like, "I’m sorry I had to leave your Crew, but I don’t have the bandwidth to Crew for anyone right now. I still care about you," can help express your feelings.
On YourCrew, simply click on the person whose Crew you are leaving. Select Leaving [name]’s Crew, choose either Template 1, Template 2, or Custom Message, and make any edits before sending.
Some useful links:
MHFA: What to do when a mental health conversation doesn’t go to plan
