How to talk to people you are helping
 

1. Listen. Active listening can help someone solve their own problems or realise they need to speak with a parent, doctor or other professional. Talk long enough to fully understand the issue.

2. Validate their feelings. You don't have to agree, but try to put yourself in their shoes and understand how they feel. Let them speak without interruption. Reflect back what they have said to you without giving your judgement or suggesting it is unimportant, just demonstrating your understanding. You can say things like: 

"That sounds like a terrible thing you have been through."
"I can see why you feel this way."
"That sounds like a really challenging experience."
"It makes sense that you're upset about this."

3. Give praise. 

"Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this"
"That was brave of you to tell me about ..."
"I'm honoured you have chosen me to talk about .."

4. Show trust in them by encouraging them to come up with good solutions - then action. Show them you trust how they feel and involve them in coming up with their own solutions. You could say things like:

"What do you think might help in this situation?"
"Have you faced something like this before? How did you handle it then?"
"I can understand why you feel bad about that. How could you handle that conversation differently next time?"
"I was so impressed with how brave you were the last time this happened. What did you do then?"

5. Seek commitment for them to carry out the solution and report back 

6. Communicate your support - let them know you are here to support and help them.

"Let's do this together"
"I can help you get the help you need, let's go and talk to ..."
"Do you want me to help you talk to your parents?"
"I'm here for you to talk to whenever you need."

If this a really difficult topic for you, say:

"This is bigger than both of us. I would like to ask an adult for help" 
"This is bigger than both of us, I think we need to make an appointment with [GP, psychologist, school counsellor or other professional]"
"Let's call Kids Helpline (KHL) together"

Remember: You can also call KHL (or 000 if it's an emergency) and ask for advice on what to say or do for your friend. You can also speak with a trusted Crew member or your parents to get advice on how to help your friend. Keeping a secret about a serious issue does not help anyone and puts pressure on you. You are not trained to deal with some problems, but other people are. Refer to 7 below.

7. Control your emotions. If what they tell you is difficult to hear, take a deep breath and let them finish. Try not to judge, show disapproval, or shock. If you need help, refer to 7 below.

8. Professional Help. If you feel uncomfortable with the topic or it is something you feel needs professional help. Help them get the help they need. Tell them: 

9. Look after yourself. Sometimes, it can be hard to support someone. It can also trigger feelings in you that you find hard to cope with. Make sure you have a good support network around you—set up your own Crew—and talk to them if you need support.