It is a practical problem -This is where you can help!
Talk for long enough to fully understand the problem.
Don’t trivialise (suggest it is unimportant) or judge
LISTEN to them; VALIDATE their concerns and COMMUNICATE your support.
Encourage them to suggest possible solutions
Speak positively about their ability to carry out best/favoured solution
Seek commitment for them to carry out solution + report back
Follow-up until satisfied with resolution
If you feel uncomfortable:
Tell them you are concerned about them and would like to get further support. You could say:
"This is too big for the both of us, we need help, I'd like to call someone who can help us."
See:
How to talk to people you are helping
1. Listen. It is incredible how having someone actively listen to you and accept how you feel about something helps someone solve their own problems or recognise, sometimes with your help, the need to speak to parents, a doctor or other professional service.
2. Validate their feelings. You don't have to agree but try and put yourself in their shoes and understand how they feel. Let them speak without interruption. Reflect back what they have said to you without giving your judgement. e.g.:
"That sounds like a terrible thing you have been through..."
"I understand why that would make you feel this way."
3. Communicate your support - let them know you are here to support and help them.
"I can help you get the help you need, let's go and talk to ..."
"Do you want me to help you talk to your parents?"
"I'm here for you to talk to whenever you need."
If this a really difficult topic for you, say:
"This is bigger than both of us. I would like to ask an adult for help" or
"This is bigger than both of us, I think we need to make an appointment with [GP, psychologist, school counsellor or other professional]"
You can also call KHL, or 000 if an emergency, and ask their advice
4. Give praise.
"That was really brave of you to tell me about ..."
"I'm so honoured you have chosen me to talk about .."
5. Show trust. Show them you trust how they feel and involve them in coming up with their own solutions. e.g.
"I can understand why you feel bad about that. How could you handle that conversation differently next time?"
6. Control your emotions. If what they tell you is difficult to hear, take a deep breath and let them finish. Try not to judge or show disapproval or shock. If you need help refer to 7 below.
7. Professional Help. If you feel uncomfortable with the topic or it is something you feel needs professional help. Tell them
"This is bigger than both of us, I think we need to make an appointment with [GP, psychologist, school counsellor or other professional]"
Help them get to the help they need.
8. Look after yourself. Sometimes it can be hard to support someone. It can also trigger some feelings in you that you find hard to cope with. Make sure you have a good support network around you - set up your own Crew - and talk to them if you need support.
